Whoever thought I’d get tired of the Sponge-Bob Square Pants Channel – 24 hours a day of Sponge Bob Square Pants?
So I started flicking around the channels and found out there is now a Suzie Oreman Channel – investment advice from a woman whose finest redeeming quality is that that she has more teeth than Barney.
Come to think about it, almost everyone has more teeth than Barney – he only has two teeth: one tooth that goes across the top of his mouth, one tooth across the bottom. So I meant she has bigger teeth. Or… well, whatever. She seems to be on PBS about 12 hours a day. Maybe she gets lessons from Barney, who dominates the other 12 hours of PBS programming, now that they discovered the purple Teletubby really was gay. I wonder if the same people who created Barney created her? Come to think of it, where is Barney nowadays? He’s like so 2006.
Anyhow, I was a bit loaded and a little tired, so I grabbed a stack of magazines and headed off into the reading room. As I flipped through the pages of old Playboys, Hustlers and an occasional copy of Modern Nudest magazines… (hey, don’t give me that look – I just get it for the articles) I chanced upon a copy of a direct marketing trade magazine and became intensely interested in a column blasting telemarketers. What? Don’t tell me you don’t get Modern Nudest, I reviewed all the magazines you get in your credit file on-line. I wouldn’t worry about that as much as the sub-prime rating you have…
Telemarketing, like spam, sucks – but it can be effective. But… My God, man… the article was correct. Telemarketing guys don’t get blasted enough – especially from people in my own direct marketing industry. And damn it, they deserve it.
Sure, they call themselves direct marketers. And I usually have a lot of compassion for most other direct marketers: we send stuff to you in the mail, you don’t like it, you throw it away. Or you use it to fuel that wood burning stove. But you don’t have to get up early to answer it, and you’re probably not reading it right in the middle of your dinner – that special time is reserved for fighting with your wife and yelling at the kids. Somehow this outbound telephone soliciting niche of our direct marketing profession doesn’t get any sympathy from me.
You know what I hate? No, even worse than slow drivers who leave their turn signals on. No, worse than that, too – and besides I don’t think it’s all that kinky, especially if you take the handcuffs off after only half an hour.
I hate telephone sales reps who ask me how I am. I’d tell them, but who has an extra few hours to listen to an old guy gripe. But what I really can’t stand, what pushes me over the top, is the recorded messages from telemarketer’s automated calling machines.
It wasn’t invasive enough for telemarketing firms to get me up several times from dinner with my family to try to let me know my TV Guide subscription is going to run out in just 7 months, or to make sure I knew the latest offer to have my rugs cleaned; now they have predictive dialers and voice recognition. Unhampered by human intervention, they can now call thousands of people and annoy them without enduring the costs or burnout of real people to make the calls.
Usually after grumbling a few words and cussing when the first recording que comes up, I reluctantly give up at being mad at a machine. I think of the people who listen to the response and laugh at the cursing and how mad people must really be to get these calls. I’m sure they then talk about programing their phone dialers to give the complainer 40,000 calls between 2AM and 6AM. Don’t laugh – I’ve had a fax machine dial my house several times at 3 in the morning. I was livid.
As long as I’m bitchin’,* one more thing. I just love answering the phone with my name, Jeffrey Dobkin, only to hear some idiot ask for Jeffrey Dobkin. Similar to getting mad at a machine for calling you at random, getting pissed at people that are as stupid as an automated dialer, or too ill-trained to vary from their script even for a few nanoseconds isn’t in my composition – so with my anger stuffed inside of me to be taken out on some unsuspecting employee or my children, whoever is closest at the time, the phone calls are merely brief:
“Jeff Dobkin.”
“Hello may I speak with Jeff Dobkin?”
“Sigh… Is this a soliciting call?’
“No.”
“What do you want?”
“Is Jeff Dobkin there?”
“This is Robert Dodge of the Lower Merion police department. How do you know Jeff Dobkin?”
Long pause.
“This is a soliciting call.”
Besides, before you can really let go with a full stream of consciousness, the TSRs almost always hang up. Some are even rude enough to disconnect without so much as a thank you for your time, or even saying goodbye as soon as you say you’re not really interested in yet another jar of penis enlargement cream. (Hey, the jar I bought off the Internet worked when I rubbed it in… well for the first few minutes, anyhow…) “Time is money” says TSR Today Magazine. God, it seems like every psychopath has his own magazine these days.
Still, I feel violated, and cheap whenever I do that to myself. Oh, sorry, I was speaking about something else.
At work, different problems emerge: I get mad from the intrusion of a telemarketer calling and asking for me by my first name. Don’t get me wrong – I’m usually the last in line for any kind of formal protocol, and I actually prefer to be called Jeffrey… as calling me Mr. Dobkin makes me think of my dad – an old guy – strangely enough, similarly named. But here’s the exception: calling me Jeffrey under the false pretense to get by my secretary under the guise of the false pretense that they know me on a first name basis. That possibly is the absolute worst way to get me to buy something, anything from their firm – by disbanding any possible element of trust very early in the conversation. Most thieves usually wait until after they have my Visa or M/C number. My wife just waits until I’m asleep to go through my wallet.
I’m usually not a supporter of governmental legislation to police industries, but I support the no-calling laws that are now passing around a multitude of states’ legislatures. The industry wasn’t responsible enough to police itself, and now must suffer the heavy hand of governmental restriction. At least I can eat dinner in peace now, and watch Sponge Bob without telephone interruption.
Wow, that’s a lot of complaining. But that’s not what I’ve come here to talk about. I just got off the phone to talk about what a telemarketing campaign can do for your firm. Remember? Like spam, it works – with the emphasis on “it works.” And there’s even a way to do it nicely. Certain restrictions apply, but let’s take a look at a few good uses of the phone.
The Phone can be a great personal service to customers
When you make the call yourself, the telephone is great for keeping up with that personal relationship with your customers and clients. It’s a one-on-one open dialog that can increase consumer retention and trust, and increase the lifetime value of a customer.
But, with customers that you don’t speak with – except once every couple of years, or when there’s a problem with their account, an outbound personal phone call carries a lot of weight and can be construed as “Why is he calling me, something must be wrong.” So, I feel a personal call from you is not only unnecessary, it’s unwarranted; and I don’t recommend it. Instead – to maintain contact, strangely enough, I’d have a staff person call the client. It’s simply more appropriate.
I’d make the courtesy call around the time of the expiration of the policy. Key points to this call: Have the caller identify him or her self as a customer service manager for your firm; say this is a courtesy call from (and insert your name,) to let you know your policy has remained in effect for the past year and you have had full uninterrupted coverage as specified. Your new policy will take effect at 12PM on ___, with no lapse in coverage or protection.
I’d also have the TSR ask if there are any questions about premiums or policies and express the desire to answer same or offer to call back with an exact answer to a specific question. I’d close by saying “We know it is a privilege to have your business and we appreciate it; it’s our goal to provide excellent service to you, to be here anytime you need us, and we thank you for the opportunity to be your agent, and for your trust.”
After the conversation, the TSR sends the client a letter thanking them for receiving his phone call, saying it was a pleasure speaking with him, even if it wasn’t. It continues throughout the letter, thanking the customer for their business, letting them know that your agency “is always on its toes ready to immediately assist you or any of your friends or associates with any questions about insurance or insurance related products.” Inserting “you or any of your friends or associates” is a powerful but subtle way to get referrals, which is the secondary objective of this letter. The primary objective of this letter – although hidden – is to ask for a quote for other insurance products.
It’s very, very tricky to ask to quote other insurance needs in a thank-you letter. The reason being: if you ask directly it negates ANY and ALL of the positive aspects of the letter. So, how do you do this? For the answer – simple as it is, send $2 to Jeff Dobkin, PO Box 100, Merion Station, PA 19066. Thanks.
If the client asks your TSR a question that’s too tough, or if the customer is too tough, offer to have you (the principal) call them back: what time would be convenient for them? The nature of the staff person calling is to save you time, not to disassociate you from the customer. Only 5% or so of clients will want to speak with you directly and you should be readily available and eager to speak with them. When you do talk with them, this increases the bond between you and your customer, and increases the value of the relationship and the value of doing business with your firm.
So instead of making 300 calls a week, you are only speaking with 15 customers a week who have actual questions – but still getting the personal mileage of a very positive customer contact by phone. This is a telemarketing campaign done right. It’s like sex: everybody feels good after it, both you and your sister; er, customers, umm, partners, er, partner. Unfortunately your TSR will need psychiatric help after 15 months of burning himself out by making 60 calls a day. Oh well. If life really was fair… all the impersonators would be dead and Elvis would be alive.
If you want to get personal with each of your clients, write them a letter of thanks. That’s right, a letter of thanks can be more personal – and more effective – than a phone call. If you do it right.
The letter of thanks should simply state “Thanks for the opportunity to provide service to you. We know there is a choice of insurance providers, and it is our privilege to have you select us as both a provider and a friend. If we can ever be of any assistance in any insurance-related matter, call me personally at anytime. Thanks again for your business and your trust.”
Here’s your two bucks worth.
OK, ok, for all you crybabies that actually read the earlier part of this article, then got mad at me for saying there is a charge for this (I know: it’s just information, and everything is free), then you started to write to the publisher to complain “oh, that Jeff Dobkin is… blah blah blah – he wanted us to send him two bucks to tell us blah blah blah…” I will now tell you whiners a few correct ways to sneak-in a request for getting more business by asking for a quote in a thank you letter. You can, um, send me the two bucks later.
3. Include a survey. Dress the survey up so that it looks like a “How can we be of better service to you” survey, but load-in one or two really important questions that you want answered, the first one offering a check box and an underlined area for: “May we have the privilege of quoting any other insurance needs?” To encourage clients to complete it, I would also offer a small gift for the return of the completed survey.
2. In the PS of your letter, understate your request for a quote. “Have a question? Need a quick quote? We are always pleased to be of immediate help. Just call us at:______” and print your phone number here. I know, I know, your phone number is in the letterhead. Place it here anyhow: you want to encourage phone calls (this is the primary objective of this letter) and an additional phone number is a great way to increase them. BTW, the secondary objective of the letter is to enhance the customer’s relationship with your firm to create a stronger loyalty bond.
1. Have a short statement soliciting quotes that looks like part of the stationery. If the body of your letter is set in courier typeface, set flush left rag right (FLRR) as it should be, have the RFQ (Request For Quote) set in Bookman, New Century Schoolbook, or Helvetica type – or follow your own designer’s letterhead or logo typeface. Drop this line in the upper right hand corner of the stationery, so it looks like a printed part of your letterhead. “For Immediate Quotes Call 987-654-3211”.
You can also have this RFQ on the bottom of the page. Again, set in a contrasting style of type – different from the body copy in your letter. When presented at the bottom of the letterhead, this line should be centered. You know how some businesses have their address printed on the bottom of the page? This line should be printed directly above or below that address line in the same typestyle – so it looks like it’s part of the printed stationery.
When the RFQ is designed-in to be subtle, it doesn’t destroy the integrity of the letter, or dilute the perception – or the delusion – that this is simply a “thank you for your business” letter.
The EX Date and Limited Time offers
Most telephone calls in the insurance industry are centered around the policy ex-date. When the ex-date of a policy is coming up it gives you a non-threatening reason to call your client and offer them the convenience of continual coverage without interruption. When phrased like this, who could get mad at a caller? You’re saving them from the exposure of -gasp- a lapse in coverage.
Another justification for calling customers is an offer limited by time. “Since this limited time offer couldn’t wait another few days until you received it by mail, we are calling to let our better customers know of the availably of this special offer.” An example of this occurrence may be if additional coverage is offered by one of our providers, and “in order for our customers to be able to take advantage of the special savings, we needed to let customers know about it immediately – so you could make the decision about this yourself before the offer is rescinded or our supplier runs out of gifts.
The “limited by time” offer – if created with the good credibility of “time is running out – we had to get this too-good-to-pass-up offer to you right away” also gives justification to fax someone. While I usually discourage broadcasting faxes because of their invasive, intrusive nature, if you’re gonna broadcast a fax, at least it should be effective for you. So use something that gives the appearance of “time is running out quickly!”
Lastly, remember, almost every phone call should be followed up by a letter. Because long after the phone call is forgotten, if you’ve confirmed it in a letter, you’ve created a document in someone’s file to remind him of you, your firm, and how great it is doing business with you. The letter can sit on someone’s desk for a day or two, or a couple of months if it’s anything like my desk – a constant reminder of what a pleasure it is doing business with your firm. A permanent record of your wonderfulness. A final note to your greatness emblazoned on a… oh never mind, you get the idea.
There are other telemarketing programs that are successful, but… The Simpsons is on….
Jeff Dobkin
Sorry about the word “bitchin’,”. I just wanted to see how a professional website handled an apostrophe and a comma – all typeset next to each other… And now an apostrophe, a quote mark and a period. Did I get it right? Does anyone know?
Jeffrey Dobkin is a fun speaker. His articles on marketing and direct marketing appear in over 200 magazines. He’s also the author of the incredible 400-page marketing manual, How To Market A Product for Under $500 ($39.95), and Uncommon Marketing Techniques ($17.95) – 33 of his columns on small business marketing, exactly like the one you just read. Well, not exactly…Both books are available directly from the publisher – 800-234-IDEA. All his books are completely filled with tips and techniques to make your phone ring – and make your marketing faster, cheaper, more effective – and fun. You never learned this stuff in college! Mr. Dobkin cuts right through the theoretical crap and demonstrates a wealth of practical how-to direct marketing techniques. He is also a fast-paced speaker, a direct mail copywriter, and an amazingly good marketing consultant. To place an order, or to speak with Mr. Dobkin call 610/642-1000. Phone orders welcome. From The Danielle Adams Publishing Company, Box 100, Merion Station, PA 19066. Or visit www.dobkin.com. Satisfaction Always Guaranteed.